Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
