Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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