Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
