Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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