I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
