I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
