haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
