If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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