woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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