Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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