sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
