I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
