I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Less talking, more tequila
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
