I want to stick my p in your. b.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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