How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
