I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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