I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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