i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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