This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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