did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
