yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how do flat chested girls get laid?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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