I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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