There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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