if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
