Are we in a gay sports bar?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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