It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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