i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
