So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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