The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
