The maid of honor just puked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
