And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
