Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
