it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
