Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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