So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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