Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
