its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
