im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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