I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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