I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
