I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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