nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
