I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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