dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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