if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
