Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
