My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
