I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
