You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
