Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
